A criminal profiler advises keeping a tight rein on girls

by Julia McKinnell (Maclean’s)


David Young-Wolff/Getty Images; Photo Illustration by Taylor Shute
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Pat Brown knows every grisly crime imaginable. She’s television’s go-to criminal profiler and the CEO of the Sexual Homicide Exchange, a group that helps police zero in on suspects in unsolved sex crimes.

As she proudly points out in her new book, How To Save Your Daughter’s Life: Straight Talk for Parents from America’s Top Criminal Profiler, her children turned out fine—her daughter is now a child-abuse detective—and “none of them ever cursed at me or told me they hated me.”

“Better to be tough when they’re little and then slowly let out the reins than be too easy when they’re small and create a monster for a teen,” she writes. Be strict and use discipline. If your daughter throws a tantrum or uses spiteful words, remove her from the environment, sternly reprimand her and implement a punishment. “It may be really hard work, but believe me, you will have so much less work when she is older: you won’t be babysitting your grandchild while your daughter goes to high school, or hiding your jewellery from your crack-addicted young adult child.”

Another way to keep a girl safe is to delay the milestones. “The younger one starts messing with anything the sooner one goes to the next level,” says Brown. If your girl starts dating at age 12, she’ll probably have sex sooner. If she drives at 16, she’s more likely to crash into a tree while texting at the wheel. Make her wait to get her driver’s licence and then drive shotgun with her everywhere she goes for the next year, advises Brown. “Every year and month you can delay improves your chances of having her maturity increase. Also, the slower she gains these opportunities, the less she expects to be given free rein and the more she accepts her parents having a say over her activities.”

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If your teen gets trapped in a relationship with a boy who is too domineering, she may be able to get rid of him by talking about herself—her hair, her nails, her shoes—non-stop. “A psychopath is only interested in himself so the last thing he wants is to have a girl yakking about herself,” she says. “Suddenly laughing non-stop for no good reason in the middle of lunch at McDonald’s is going to make him squirm,” because it’s all about his ego. “If his trophy stops shining, if people are like, ‘What are you doing with that girl?’— he’s not gonna like that.”

Whatever happens, never allow your daughter to be alone with a controlling boy she’s broken up with. “That’s when we find girls not getting home,” says Brown.