mental_flos

On writing:

5. “If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”

8. “The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘cheque enclosed’.”

(Actually, this quote attributed to Parker is a paraphrase. In 1932, the New York Herald Tribune asked her for a list of the most beautiful words. Dorothy said, “To me, the most beautiful word in the English language is cellar-door. Isn’t it wonderful? The ones I like, though, are ‘cheque’ and ‘enclosed.'”)

On drinking:

10. “One more drink and I’ll be under the host.”

12. When asked if she was going to join Alcoholics Anonymous: “Certainly not. They want me to stop now.”

On money:

13. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”

14. “I don’t know much about being a millionaire, but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it.”

On love:

20. “It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”

On children:

22. “The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”

On death:

24. “That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”

25. “Excuse my dust.” Parker suggested that this be used as an epitaph on her final resting place—and it was.